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  • who cares

    Jaguar Seen driving in and out of State House without going through the Thorough Security Check.

  • Juliani and brenda are back

    After months of separation, showbiz power couple Juliani and Brenda Wairimu are back together.

  • SEXY

    Halima Abubakar believes she has one of the biggest stuffs, no matter what anyone thinks. Check out more...

  • Rides

    One of the actresses who can afford a classy car is Celina whose choice mode of transport is a turquoise blue Mercedes which she named ‘Lulu’.

  • Samuel Eto'o eyes Arsenal transfer

    Samuel Eto'o wants to join Arsenal this summer - to prove Jose Mourinho wrong. Eto’o’s representatives have made overtures to Arsenal to alert them about the Cameroon striker’s availability as a free agent.

Showing posts with label SHENG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SHENG. Show all posts

KENYAN JOKES 2014, Throwback! SHENG LANGUAGE

Friday, 18 July 2014 0 comments

Tunga sentensi ukitumia neno “KUKU”… (15 Mks)

- kuku yule ni mpenzi wa
njoroge.

- l am a KUKUyu from Nyeri
COWnty

- Hi! am Mwangi frm Nyeri.KUKUmiss nayo!

- Siku Hizi KUKU amekuwa
mtamu na mapenzi..nkt!!!!
mayai ya kuku kutoka nyeri
sikuli ngo!

- My husBIRD is so HENsome!
Mwangi amenunua KUKUmanga

- Mundu wa nyomba #alimanga kuku na ugali usiku.

- Mwanaume wa nyeri alimwaga baada ya bibi yake kumwam kukumiss nayo…,

#Adisia

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When The Condom Breaks During Sex

Monday, 14 July 2014 0 comments

There are times when in the heat of
the moment something goes wrong.
Sometimes the CD is too old or
damaged hence it breaks. Other
times it is not put on properly
which can cause a malfunction as
well. So if you find yourself in this
predicament, what do you do next?
When a CD breaks the partners
involved are at risk for HIV and
other STDs as well as pregnancy.
There are some responsible actions
that you can take to reduce your
risk of getting any of them.

HIV Prevention: The first thing
that both you and your partnern
should do when a CD breaks is go
pee and carefully wash your private
tools. Then you and your partner
should get tested and it should be
done as soon as possible and then
again after three months. You
should also ask the doctor for a
PEP (postexposure prophylaxis)
which is an HIV treatment for the
morning after an accident. It’s
expensive but worth it.
The treatment is taken over a
month and should be started right
away. They are still effective 72
hours after a c0ndom breaks but
are most effective when taken
immediately. The treatment does
have side effects such as extreme
fatigue and nausea.
Pregnancy Prevention : For the
ladies, the Plan B morning-after pill
is the most effective way to prevent
pregnancy after a CD break
accident. It is most effective when
taken right away but can be taken
up to 72 hours after. It is
recommended that you buy Plan B
before anything happens just so
that you have it on hand instead of
having to make time to go to a
pharmacy after an accident
happens. The side effects of Plan B
include abdominal pain, nausea,
fatigue, menstrual changes, and
headaches.
To prevent accidents from
happening in the first place make
sure that the CDs that you are using
are placed properly, and are not
expired or old. Preventing CD
breaks in the first place is your
first line of defense. Also don’t be
too rough during s*x.

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Mortuary denies attending to a fat person - sheng edition

Friday, 11 July 2014 0 comments

Kama kuna idhaa haijawaileta
shangwe, ni saa zenye wasee
wanakamanyuria. Lakini kitu huwa
boree zaidi ni kufanya mpango za
mangata kabla mazishi.
Sa Funeral Director mjamo
alishangaa sana baada ya
kulazimishwa na mocha nifla, kukaa
na msee amededi kwa ndai yake.
Mocha ilidai eti huyo msee ni
kanono sana na hawana space ya
kumweka. Yaani frigesa zao
hazingeweka msee zaidi ya kilo
rwabe.
Joanne Cummings, naye anadai
ilibidi amedunga hema hasapo kwa
hearse yake, ikibidi ameiwekea ngata
mara tatu, usiku mzima, akingoja
wadhii wa mocha wajipange.
Kwani mocha hazijatambua kuna
wasee wazito huko njei bado?
Itakuaje mocha imekosa mpango
hivyo?

Nigeria ikadungwa sasi na FIFA, SHENG 2014

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Imebaki team za futa Nigeria
zimegeiwa sasi na FIFA baada yaku
chuja wasee wa Nigeria Football
Federation(NFF), na kureplace na
sole administrator. FIFA inadai
watachorea kuwakazi kwa shuguli za
futa once wamechagua executive
committee ya (NFF) yenye inafaa.
Kulingana na hii statement ilikuwa
inadaisha NFF haitaweza wakilisha
kwa mechi zozote zenye zitafanyika
regional, continental ama
international zikiaffect hadi level za
ma klabu na friendly matches.
Juu ya hii risto sasa team ya kidem
ya Nigeria under-20 haitaweza
wakilisha kwa Women World Cup
2014 husuko Canada na zitakuwa
zinaanza hapo 5 August 2014.
Kama Nigeria haita lift hiyo burn by
15 July then hawa madem hawata
weza kuwakilisha nchi yao.
Gava ya Nigeria inadaisha hii move
ilikuwa essential ili waweze
kuchagua wasee wanafaa kwa hizo
post za NFF, juu team ya Nigeria
imekuwa ikiperform viudu sana.
Tunacheki NFF President Aminu
Maigari alidandiwa na ma mbang’a
alipo dondoka ndege akitoka Brazil
baada ya kuchujwa kwa round 2 ya
FIFA World Cup 2014 husuko Brazil.
Ata hivyo Maigari alirudi aka
achiliwa baada ya maidhaa kiasi
kushinda rundema.
Kulingana na laws za FIFA gova
haifaikushugulika na shuguli zozote
za futa za kuchuja wasee wa local
body.

Fan akagenya akicheki futaa

Thursday, 3 July 2014 0 comments

FIFA World Cup ikiwa inaendelea
mamambo nazo zinazidi
kulipuka. On sato, Brazil ikiwa
inagusa na Chile kwa raund ya last
16 kuna bazenga flani alikamanyuria
akiwa ana watch hiyo game. Husuyu
anadaisha alipatikana na heart
failure akiwa anayebi futa.
Husuyu bazenga alikuwa ana watchia
hii dimba kwa baesa yenye iko karibu
na Mineirao Stadium Horizonte
pahali hiyo game ilikuwa
inachezewa. Inasemekana ali
kamanyuria immediately ameland
hosi.Madoki wakadaisha jo!
kumekuwa na kesi mob sana . Health
Officials wanadai hii game ikiwa
inachezwa walikuwa wanatreat
karibu wasee 98, including mokoro
nifla wa miaka chwani. Alafu pia
pakakuwa na kijana flani alikuwa
ameumia mapuwa juu ya vita.
Game yenyewe iliisha 1-1 baadae
ikaenda hadi extra time but Brazil
wakatokelezea kama machampe,
baada ya kushinda through ma
pena . Inasemekana tona ya raund
this ndio imekuwa na casualties
wengi sana. Tunacheki risto ingine
ya huyu fan kutoka Brito alikatwa
maskio. Eti ali attackiwa after game
ya England na Uruguay June 19.
Alafu siku tano baadae huyu striker
wa Uruguay ku attack player wa Italy
Giorgio Chiellini.

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LADIES, This will be your childs name, MAPENZI NAYO.....!! Shukuru umezaa

Saturday, 28 June 2014 0 comments

The safe period refers to the
window period where a woman is
less likely to get pregnant if they
have unprotected intercourse.
Technically speaking, this safe
period falls between day 1-7 of the
period and Day 19 to the start of
the next cycle
The normal woman’s menstrual
cycle is supposed to last 28 days.
Of these only days 8 to 19 are
considered fertile i.e. a woman is
likely to have a baby through
unprotected intercourse, all other
days are safe. The cycle is
considered to begin with the first
day of bleeding and ends when
the bleeding starts again.
Opting to have sex during the ‘safe
period’ isn’t fool-proof though. A
lot of women have irregular cycles
and the cycle length can vary from
women to women. That’s why the
so-called ‘safe period’ is in truth
not that safe and it’s better to use
condoms or other contraceptive
methods like the oral pill to
prevent unwanted pregnancies.

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Never give up!! Its real

Thursday, 26 June 2014 0 comments

Suicide isn't the easy way out as
many people think. It doesn't mean
that you're weak if you commit
suicide. There's nothing even
remotely easy about suicide.
Do you really think that it is so easy
to fight every natural instinct in your
body that tells you to survive?
Do you really think it's east to come
to the decision that ultimately, it
would be better if you were dead?
Better for you, your friends and
family?
When you're suicidal you consider
everything. You consider what would
bring your loved ones pain. That's
why you hold off for so long. Because
you can't hurt the ones you care
about the most. That's why you try
as hard as you can.
But sometimes you really want to
end all this. The suffering and the
pain.
Suicide doesn't happen for
something stupid. People who
commit suicide just because they're
having a bad day or just because
their boyfriend / girlfriend dumped
them, are stupid.
Suicide is because everything is
overwhelming. It's because you lost
all hope and you can't see any light
in your life anymore. It's when your
vision is surrounded by the
darkness.
There are people who dare to do it...
They jump from a building or in
front of a train... Some of them cut
or hang.
What am I trying to say all this
time? I'm trying to ask just a simple
thing... Why? How does that even
help in the slightest? How does
hurting yourself help?
You're only acting? No? You're
bringing more pain to yourself!!
Listen to me...
There's so much more in this life
than what you're feeling now. All
you have to do, is to stay strong for
just a little bit more. Eventually,
you'll make it through.
How do I know? I've seen many
people going through that... I've had
many friends suffering from that.
Me, myself, I'm still going through
that. We all get low at times, and we
really wish to die...
But listen to me. It's not worth it.
Happiness is not away. You'll never
be truly alone and you'll never be
sad forever. I know that for a fact.
That doesn't mean that you won't
have bad days. We all have bad
days. And I don't think that will ever
change. It's how life works. We get
hurt to get stronger. No one ever
said that life is easy. But indeed life
is meant to be lived. We are going
through a lot and yet still, there is
so much more to come. But you have
to stay strong. You have to keep
fighting. If you are strong enough to
contemplate suicide, you sure are
strong enough to fight on.
You're not alone in this. You'll never
be. We stand together and we fight
together.
Instead of taking the blade every
time you're feeling low, take a
pillow. Shove your face into the
pillow and cry. Cry until you have no
more tears. Why? Because crying
helps. Many people say that crying
proves you're weak. They're wrong.
Crying doesn't mean you're weak, it
means you were strong for too long.
And now it's finally the time to let
go of that. To give in your fears and
fight! You don't have to keep it
inside you anymore. You can open
your eyes now. You can wipe away
your tears. It's over.
You won this battle. Smile. You did
it. You're strong. Now stay that way.
Don't you ever give up.
Don't you ever lose hope. Keep on
looking forward because better days
are coming. One day, you'll look
back on these days and you'll laugh.
I promise you that things will get
better. Whenever that's sooner or
later. You just have to believe it.
Don't think too much...
Thinking is stealing your happiness.
Be happy. Do whatever you want.
Enjoy your life. Don't you ever give
up. Never. We stand together till the
end of the line.
Thank you for reading all this. I
really pray that it helped you.
Have a beautiful day and keep on
smiling.
Better days are coming. I promise.

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